I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
