She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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