Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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