My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
