I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
