I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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