I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
