I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
