I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
