just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
