Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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