I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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