I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
