Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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