Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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