Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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