ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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