Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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