Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
COCAINE IS GR8
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
