i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Panties = found
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