She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
