That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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