I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
