I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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