You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
