I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
