I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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