Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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