come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
even my farts smell like vagina
The best revenge is premature balding
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
