i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
