I cannot find my penis.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
