Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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