she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
