I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
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At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
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Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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