i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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