i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
As shirtless as possible
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
