Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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