I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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