"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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