How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
