your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
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