Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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