yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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