I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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