ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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