An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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