i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
