$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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