I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
