You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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