Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
