oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
