He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
