Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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