We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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