someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think my vagina is haunted
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
