I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You were trust falling into bushes
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
