My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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