Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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