I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
