i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
