like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
