I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
