At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
