I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
